Making Nana happy and at the same time giving some dirty old men a thrill

My Nana is days shy of 89 and beginning to bring on the crazy one person at a time.  I guess she’s earned it by now, after all she is 89, but sometimes she is totally batsh*t crazy and all I can do is laugh my head off.  Her rant this week was over, yes it was cigarrettes again.  She has been smoking for 72 years.  She smokes like a chimney, yet she has outlived EVERYONE.  Doesn’t make a lick of sense to me, but she will not be talked out of her dirty little habit.  She says she likes it, and at her age no one has the right to tell her not to do something that she likes–she’s earned it.  Can’t really argue with that.

So, when I made my daily call to her, she asked whether the boys wanted to come over to her pool.  We didn’t really have anything planned, so I figured OK, it’s a nice day, and she didn’t seem to be totally off her rocker so let’s go.  A few moments later, my cell rings and it’s my cousin’s husband asking if we were going to Nana’s pool.  I had to laugh, because he wanted the same safety in numbers that I usually look for when going to her pool.  Some of those old bitties can be fierce!  So we joined forces, and were going to meet there.

Now the real fun began, what bathing suit could I possibly wear?  I’ve lost a ton of weight (good thing!) but all of the suits that fit me are bikinis, and bikinis are not exactly geezer-friendly.  So I set about to try on every suit I have to find the one that would cover the most without looking dowdy.  C’mon, a girl’s still gotta represent!  So I found one, pulled on the coverup/dress and threw the towels/sunscreen/other crap in a tote & off we went to pickup lunch.  After a ridiculous line @ Subway, and sitting for 20mins waiting for a flag-man to wave us by a street grinding machine (that was mind-numbing), we finally get to Nana’s pool.

She was pissed!  We were a half hour late, and she couldn’t hear a single word I was saying so she was twisted!  After a few minutes, she got over it because the boys gave her some hugs.  Thank god that J-man pulled through with some of his charm.  So we ate quickly and the kids went into the pool with their little cousin Little-B.  Jason & I sat there and chatted for a bit, and then I decided I would get into the pool.  I pulled off my coverup, and I could feel the stares.  The geezer lagoon is not accustomed to seeing bikinis.  I was immediately summoned by Nana.  She asked when I started wearing bikinis (I had to chuckle, I am just a tad over 18 😉 LOL) and then she noticed my piercing but didn’t say a word about it! Hahahahahaha.  She said my suit was very nice, but asked if I could wrap a towel around my waist 🙂  Nope, not gonna happen.  I told her I was getting in the pool.  Well, the water was just a few degrees warmer than ice water, so I just stood on the steps for about a minute & bailed.

Jason & I sat & chatted in the chairs and watched the kids and had a blast watching the old folks.  My Nana introduced us to the same people for the millionth time.  Same old, same old.  Overall, not too painful for a visit to the old folks pool.  I think the key here is safety in numbers 🙂  And mix it up by wearing a bikini and wait for the ‘shock and stares’ 🙂  and hope that it isn’t followed by any thuds and sirens!

Having two tweeners in the house can be interesting to say the least.  My two boys are a bit ‘ahem’ aware of the hormones bubbling over inside them, and we’ve already had to have that all important, and every so embarrassing ‘talk’ with our older son “The D-man”.  Well, The D-man lets the dogs back in from answering their call to nature this morning and announces “I think Skippyjonjones (our Chihuahua who has an addiction to my panties) was trying to hump Ginger (our Puggle who is 3 times his size).”  I replied, “he probably was trying to get his groove on, he’s fixed, it’s ok.”  The D-man, says “well I think we better neuter him again, because I don’t think it worked the first time!”

Boy do these jeans make my *ss look fabulous!

I’m a petite woman, but a curvy girl. This baby’s got back. So finding jeans is somewhat frustrating and heartbreaking. As all women know, the search for a pair of jeans that fit, is more elusive than the search for the holy grail. I tried on no less than 100 pairs of jeans in my quest, everything from the super cheap to the supremely pricey. Nada. Then Old Navy announced their $19 jeans for all event and I was enthralled and excited. Could it be possible that I could not only find jeans that fit,but reasonably priced as well? Could it be so?

So I trek off to the mega mall from hell, and pull a dozen pairs in different sizes and cuts to try on. To my utter amazement, I actually found not one, but three pairs that fit my bootylicious rear & curvy hips perfectly. Man, did my A*s look fabulous! I was in heaven! I danced out of the dressing room and practically kissed the attendant.

So the next day I threw on those bad-boys and went out to run my errands. I had to hit the Post Office to mail a few packages. While at the counter, shooting the breeze with my fave mail carriers, some woman drives up to the parking space in front of the window, pulls out a camera & takes a picture. But was even more odd, was that she shot very low, below counter height so she wasn’t getting anyone’s faces in the shot. And then drove away. So the Mail carriers said “I wonder what she was taking a picture of?” My response “well, I did get these new jeans, and my *ss does look fabulous in them… ;)” We all cracked up!

Never did figure out what she took a picture of, but the right pair of jeans certainly did make my day a whole lot better!

Skippyjonjones and his addiction to my panties

I share my home with my 2 sons, my husband, and two rescue pups.  Our two 4-legged children are a puggle (1/2 pug, 1/2 beagle) named Ginger, and a Chihuahua named Skippyjonjones.  Our two pups are the most awesome dogs ever.  Everyone says that, but I can back it up!

Well, Skippyjonjones likes to collect ‘lovies’ and play with them.  At first it was socks, and OK, I was cool with that, no big deal.  Since then he has moved onto my panties.  But not just any panties, he doesn’t go for the cotton granny panties.  Not the inexpensive, 5 for 10 that you can pick up at Target.  No, not for my Skippyjonjones.  He prefers my pricey, lacy, sexy ones that I buy at Victoria’s Secret.  He goes into the laundry basket, gets a dirty pair and violates them to his hearts content.

So, I move the laundry into the laundry room to separate him from my pricey panties.  Skippyjonjones will not be kept from his lovies.  He breaks into the laundry room, and gets the panties out, and goes to town.  I find a trail of discarded ‘lovers’ left behind.  Such a little pervert 😉

Now, all my friends see pictures of the sweet face of Skippyjonjones and say there is no way that such a sweet dog could do such perverse acts like violating your panties.  So I introduce, exhibit A.

So sometimes you can’t judge a book by it’s cover 😉