Hiding from Hannukah

This year Hannukah has taken an interesting spin. Everyone is torn in their usual 5million directions, but this year there is a bit of ‘the war of the roses’ going on in our family. Because of my good intentions where my Grandmother’s well being are concerned, and wanting her to be safe now that she has begun to lose her marbles, it has put some of our family members at odds. Now, the majority of us who witness the day to day behavior of my Nana, and her episodes of ‘bringing on the crazy’ as I like to refer to them, understand fully what I’m talking about. Thankfully Nana voluntarily gave up driving. I think the po-po knocking on her door to arrest her for hit and run of a car in the parking lot of the kosher grocery store was enough to scare her into handing over the keys. Seriously, her car looked like it had been driven in the demolition derby, but if you asked her if she hit anything she’d say “Noooooooo, those ‘scratches’ had been there forever.” Uhhhhhh right. I love my Nana to bits. She has always been the most spunky and stylish woman I have known and is certainly the pillar of strength. But in the last few years, she has begun to lose her mind. It was subtle at first, now it is begun to become pretty significant and not surprising considering she is 89. She’s healthy as an Ox, god bless her, much healthier than I am, but needs some assistance now and shouldn’t be living by herself anymore. She is much too stubborn to move to assisted living, but does need someone to come in and help her. When we asked for assistance in helping to convince her of this, we were not only met with resistance, but hostility–and even after everyone was finally brought up to speed on my health situation (we’d been keeping it under wraps to avoid worrying Nana), certain individuals felt compelled to try to turn ME into the bad guy. Now, this tenuous situation has made celebrating holidays and birthdays very stressful for everyone including Nana which I think is incredibly unfair for HER. She doesn’t quite have all her wits about her, already (falsely) feels like people are conspiring against her and now she feels like she can’t celebrate the holidays with her family. And it is all over LIES. LIES, LIES, LIES. And the person perpetuating these lies is doing it for their own gain. It is a very sad situation. I have spent my entire teen through adult life caring for my Nana. Going over there in the middle of the night when my Grandfather would call because she was upset, and after he was gone, doing the same for her. I’d lay down my life for her. But now I’m the bad guy and can’t even celebrate the holidays with my Nana, and my children can’t celebrate it with their Great Grandmother as they have for their entire life because of this nonsense. To add insult to incredible injury, knowing how ill I am, and how I just can’t take any addtional stress right now, there was a letter sent that was full of BOLD FACED LIES that were written for the sole purpose of destroying my relationship with my father, my sole surviving parent. And to top it off there were implicit instructions for him to make sure to show this horrific letter to both me and my sister. Now this horrible missive was written by someone who knew that not a single word was true, that I’d never confide in them, and knowing what an emotional and physical impact the stress of this would have on me. Despicable. Thankfully my Father and I have a very strong open loving relationship and he knows that those words would have never come out of my mouth, but it still hurt him to read them, and for that, it saddens me. Is it not bad enough to lose your Wife, your Mother, but then to spin a web of lies to hurt the ones left behind, that you claim to love so much?

So this year, yet another holiday has been destroyed for me. My Mom died the day after Valentines Day, My Grandfather died 2 days after My Wedding Anniversary, My Paternal Grandmother died a few days before my 21st birthday, and now thanks to someone’s selfish actions, our Hannukah has been ruined and some of my favorite family members torn apart.

We always prided ourselves on being such a strong close family, through thick and thin. Now we are a family divided. And the truth is we are divided over lies. My late Grandfather and my late Mother would be devastated over all of this. Totally destroyed, and embarrassed by the behavior being exhibited by the person who is creating the upheaval.

Without the support of my family here, My father & step-mother, my sister, my husband, my cousin & her husband, My aunt & her husband we would not be able to provide such wonderful and supportive care for my Nana. We support and love her, and we support and love each other. Without that teamwork, she wouldn’t have made it to a healthy 89yrs old. Maybe one day, the derisive party will wake up and realize we are all on the same team, and try to mend fences to work with us for the common goal of providing the best care for the matriarch of our family. But somehow I can’t see this person seeing past their selfishness anytime soon.


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