I have now learned when NOT to go to the SuperWalmart & it isn’t when you think…

So, in my mania of trying to get ready for my surgery next week, I’m trying to get all my ducks in a row. My days have been filled with endless amounts of laundry (how do these smelly boys in my house make so much?!), list making, getting all the bills into bill pay (obsessive compulsive I know, but you never know…) and today I HAD to get a pedicure. Yes, I HAD to. Face it, I’m not going to be able to do it myself for awhile, and it is now sandal season. Plus, I am THAT vain. Hard to believe, I know, but I am. Girl has to have some priorities 🙂 So, I figured once the Man came home, and everyone was fed (and the 9 millionth load of laundry was folded), I’d hit the store for groceries. Now, I normally hit a regular grocery store, during the day. This accomplishes a grocery shop without a ton of people slowing me down, and I can do it sans kiddos. Again, I know, totally decadent of me. Ha. The Man is always suggesting I take the kids with me to help. Is he nuts?! Them bickering down every aisle, and begging for every single thing they don’t need is not a bit of help to me, and certainly not the least bit enjoyable or even tolerable. It would just drive me to drink and he wouldn’t want me taking a GNO every night 🙂 I needed some, non-grocery items (a few new towels & such) since my wonderful friend has generously volunteered to stay at my insane asylum and help out when I first get home from the hospital. So, SuperWalmart became my destination tonight. I timed my trips between tornado warnings, severe thunderstorm alerts & rainstorms–since when did Maryland turn into Washington State? This meant heading out at 8pm. Huge mistake. Store was empty, which rocked, but the only carts IN the store (which meant they were dry) were the rickety ones that rattled so hard your teeth came loose, or steered you left into displays. Second issue was the fact the shelves were picked clean & they weren’t going to re-stock until 6am. Oops. The third and best of all, were the surly employees that were stalking the shoppers & giving them the stink-eye and not very subtly having conversations about how it was getting close to 9pm and they wanted to go home. Well unhappy campers, the store closes @ 9:30 and it is 8:30. You have an hour to go, back the fuck off. Despite all the strikes against my poorly planned trip, I still managed to fill the cart, but didn’t get everything on my list. Lesson learned, stick to my routine. Either go during the day, or on the weekend for a few ‘peaceful’ kid-free moments.

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Ready or not….ready, set, going, going, gone!

Well today the world was spinning so fast I am thoroughly dizzy. My life is always like a three-ring-circus, but it was a day of slightly controlled chaos. After about 2 weeks of trying to get a ‘good’ surgery date out of both surgeons’ offices, I get the call. The date is…next Wednesday. Holy shitballs! A week away?!?! I’m thankful the surgery is happening in May, so that we can take our family vacation, the kids won’t be penalized for another one of my health issues, and I’ll have the post-surgical support I need, but a week away? They couldn’t have given me an extra week of notice? Jeez. So now, in one week’s time, I have to have all the pre-op testing that normally occurs in 2-3 weeks is going to happen in a few day’s time.

In addition, sadly, my step-mother’s father passed away and I can’t go down for the funeral because I still can’t fly. I feel like I’m on some stupid no-fly list. At this rate, I may be 50 before I can fly again! I want to be supportive of everyone in my family that has serious things going on too, but I don’t have enough of me going on 😦 Just know I love you all!

So, I’m making lists because my blonde, hit-way-too-many-on-the-head this year brain can’t remember shit & I need to get everything done before I get sliced & diced next week. Everyone knows how those lists go, they get added to, and you never reach the end!

Mother’s day when you are motherless

Mother’s day can be bittersweet. On the one hand, I have been given the amazing gift of being a Mom, even though my boys can drive me up a wall sometimes. For instance, cutting their hair last night was like a full on aerobic P90x workout. Conman-in-training (son #2) wanted a haircut different from his brothers, wanted to keep the mohawk, but couldn’t seem to understand the logic in doing it in stages because his hair was 5-6″ long. Drama. But it gave me some comic relief. I can’t help laughing at his misery sometimes! Mean, evil mommy. But back to the topic at hand. I lost my Mom to Breast Cancer a little over 6yrs ago. One of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. I’ve gotten to the healing point where the good memories float to the top so much faster than the sad, but right now I’m facing a bit of a personal challenge, so she’s on my mind more than ever. Several amazing, wonderful women have stepped in, and filled a bit of a void in my heart. They can never be my Mom, nor would they try to be, but when I’ve needed the emotional support in some of the absolutely ridiculous curveballs life throws me. (Seriously God, throw me a break once in a while!)

First amazingly strong woman is my Aunt Emma. She’s been in my world my entire life. She has an infectious laugh, a huge heart, and an even more impressive inner strength that I truly admire. (She also has shared many milestones with me including taking me to my first R rated movie, Porky’s–and I love her for it!!). She loves with all her heart and soul despite her heart being broken many times by unbelievable loss. First her parents (both to cancer) who were holocaust survivors and two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Then her husband, to cancer, making her a widow in her early 30’s with two young kids (one who was severely handicapped). Did she throw a pity party? NO She soldiered on, and lived her life out loud. And I love her for it. She’s been there for me, always. She gets me, and my very twisted sense of humor, and is supportive when I need it. When I think of strong women, Aunt Emma is right up there 🙂 She knows how much she means to me–and how special our bond is.

Second amazing woman is my Mother-in-Law Susan. I first met Susan about 18yrs ago and never imagined how much of a positive impact she’d make in my life. I have 2 mother-in-laws. The other one, we’ll call her “she who will not be named” because nothing good comes from uttering her name. The best thing ever to come out of her was my husband who is amazingly normal & supportive despite the horrible things she did to him. If only he had the chance to grow up with Susan & his other siblings. Susan is such a strong, down to earth, matter-of-fact woman with a true ‘heart of gold’. She didn’t know me all that well when she agreed to help care for me after my major back surgery. I’m so glad we had that time, because even though I was drugged to oblivion, I got to really know her. She loves me, my boys, and my husband as much as her children that she bore herself. A few weeks back when I found out about my eyesight and my mastectomy in the same day, I had a mini-breakdown. Susan, talked me off the ledge. It was truly a day “I needed my Mommy” and she was there to tell me all would be OK, everyone would support me & I could do it. The love I feel when around Susan & Ray (and Lindsay,Chris, my niece, nephew, Han& heather) is so warm, relaxed and just feels like ‘home’.

The third amazing woman is my Step-mother Debbie. She came into my life at a time I was not ready to accept her. She knew it, my Father knew it, I was truly honest. I had just lost my Mom, my heart was so raw, but her first words to me were “I’m not going to try to replace your Mother” disarmed me. We got to know each other as people, I grew to love her (and truly believe if my Mom had met her as a member of her circle of friends under different circumstances–she would have loved her too.) Stepping into my life isn’t easy. My life is chaotic, full of health drama (life-or-death at time) and crisis management is in full effect at time. She married my father, gaining instant grandkids & she embraced all of us. We grew as friends, and she has always been there to support me even when things have gotten rough. Now she is going through some of her own family crisis, and I wish I could be there more for her, her father and mother, who I’ve also grown to love. Even though she is dealing with a lot, she is still asking about me–totally unnecessary(I’m a fighter), but totally welcome.

So, even though there is a huge hole in my heart on Mother’s day, because my Mom is in heaven and not on earth with me, I do have some wonderful women to help fill that hole in my heart and make it more whole. Love to all the Mommas out there, and especially to all you special women that love me so much that I am able to fight the good fight that I do on a daily basis, and laugh out loud about it 🙂

Peace.