Mother’s day when you are motherless

Mother’s day can be bittersweet. On the one hand, I have been given the amazing gift of being a Mom, even though my boys can drive me up a wall sometimes. For instance, cutting their hair last night was like a full on aerobic P90x workout. Conman-in-training (son #2) wanted a haircut different from his brothers, wanted to keep the mohawk, but couldn’t seem to understand the logic in doing it in stages because his hair was 5-6″ long. Drama. But it gave me some comic relief. I can’t help laughing at his misery sometimes! Mean, evil mommy. But back to the topic at hand. I lost my Mom to Breast Cancer a little over 6yrs ago. One of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. I’ve gotten to the healing point where the good memories float to the top so much faster than the sad, but right now I’m facing a bit of a personal challenge, so she’s on my mind more than ever. Several amazing, wonderful women have stepped in, and filled a bit of a void in my heart. They can never be my Mom, nor would they try to be, but when I’ve needed the emotional support in some of the absolutely ridiculous curveballs life throws me. (Seriously God, throw me a break once in a while!)

First amazingly strong woman is my Aunt Emma. She’s been in my world my entire life. She has an infectious laugh, a huge heart, and an even more impressive inner strength that I truly admire. (She also has shared many milestones with me including taking me to my first R rated movie, Porky’s–and I love her for it!!). She loves with all her heart and soul despite her heart being broken many times by unbelievable loss. First her parents (both to cancer) who were holocaust survivors and two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. Then her husband, to cancer, making her a widow in her early 30’s with two young kids (one who was severely handicapped). Did she throw a pity party? NO She soldiered on, and lived her life out loud. And I love her for it. She’s been there for me, always. She gets me, and my very twisted sense of humor, and is supportive when I need it. When I think of strong women, Aunt Emma is right up there πŸ™‚ She knows how much she means to me–and how special our bond is.

Second amazing woman is my Mother-in-Law Susan. I first met Susan about 18yrs ago and never imagined how much of a positive impact she’d make in my life. I have 2 mother-in-laws. The other one, we’ll call her “she who will not be named” because nothing good comes from uttering her name. The best thing ever to come out of her was my husband who is amazingly normal & supportive despite the horrible things she did to him. If only he had the chance to grow up with Susan & his other siblings. Susan is such a strong, down to earth, matter-of-fact woman with a true ‘heart of gold’. She didn’t know me all that well when she agreed to help care for me after my major back surgery. I’m so glad we had that time, because even though I was drugged to oblivion, I got to really know her. She loves me, my boys, and my husband as much as her children that she bore herself. A few weeks back when I found out about my eyesight and my mastectomy in the same day, I had a mini-breakdown. Susan, talked me off the ledge. It was truly a day “I needed my Mommy” and she was there to tell me all would be OK, everyone would support me & I could do it. The love I feel when around Susan & Ray (and Lindsay,Chris, my niece, nephew, Han& heather) is so warm, relaxed and just feels like ‘home’.

The third amazing woman is my Step-mother Debbie. She came into my life at a time I was not ready to accept her. She knew it, my Father knew it, I was truly honest. I had just lost my Mom, my heart was so raw, but her first words to me were “I’m not going to try to replace your Mother” disarmed me. We got to know each other as people, I grew to love her (and truly believe if my Mom had met her as a member of her circle of friends under different circumstances–she would have loved her too.) Stepping into my life isn’t easy. My life is chaotic, full of health drama (life-or-death at time) and crisis management is in full effect at time. She married my father, gaining instant grandkids & she embraced all of us. We grew as friends, and she has always been there to support me even when things have gotten rough. Now she is going through some of her own family crisis, and I wish I could be there more for her, her father and mother, who I’ve also grown to love. Even though she is dealing with a lot, she is still asking about me–totally unnecessary(I’m a fighter), but totally welcome.

So, even though there is a huge hole in my heart on Mother’s day, because my Mom is in heaven and not on earth with me, I do have some wonderful women to help fill that hole in my heart and make it more whole. Love to all the Mommas out there, and especially to all you special women that love me so much that I am able to fight the good fight that I do on a daily basis, and laugh out loud about it πŸ™‚



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. PartlySunny
    May 21, 2011 @ 08:23:49

    I’m so sorry about everything you’re going through. I have health issues but nothing that can really compare. Still, I feel like I can relate to your situation so much because my mom died almost 2 years ago, and when you’re at your lowest, it doesn’t matter how old you are — you just really want you mommy.

    Glad you have so many great women in your life. Good luck with all the surgeries. Thinking of you.


  2. You think this is crazy, this is my LIFE!
    Sep 15, 2011 @ 16:22:27

    Thank you Partly Sunny. I am supremely blessed to have a wonderful sisterhood of family and friends who love me through thick and thin. I’ve been through a complex journey over the last 20 years health-wise, but all of my friends and family have helped me by supporting me in many ways and keeping me laughing is one of them. My overwhelming philosophy in life is laughter heals the body and soul. A pity party is one that no one wants to attend, and misery does NOT love company. So when I get dealt a screw ball, I pour a bit orange juice & vodka and turn it into a screwdriver πŸ˜‰ LOL Just kidding. Seriously, I find the humor in every situation, Regardless of what I feel like, even if I’m in the hospital, I put on my makeup, and get on fresh clothes & fix my hair. I don’t live life as a sick person, and I don’t let it define me. So live, love, and laugh. and laugh some more. And laugh again πŸ™‚


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